Letters from Hannah
by aries03
Summary: Dr. Stevens hears from the daughter she placed up for adoption. A special thanks goes out to my reallife inspiration for this story. You two know who you are!
1. Chapter 1

A.N.: I am not sure of whether or not to continue with this story, so I thought I would post it and see what the readers thought of it. This is a story where reviews would really be helpful. Oh, and I should also say that although this story can stand alone, it is the continuation of the End of an Innocence, a story I posted earlier. However, you do not need to read that story to understand this one.

_Dear Dr. Isobel Stevens:_

_I would like to introduce myself. My name is Hannah Jacobs, and according to the adoption agency, you are my birthmother. For ten years now, I had wanted the opportunity to express my gratitude. I know you are the one who donated bone marrow when I needed a transplant ten years ago. I know you might be a little confused because of the fact that I did not want to meet you at that time. You have to understand, however, that meeting you would have been an extremely emotional experience. I was already overwhelmed with being so ill, needing a bone marrow transplant, and having to stay in the hospital. Meeting you would have just been too much at the time. You may want nothing to do with me. I have prepared myself greatly for that. You have terminated your parental rights and owe me nothing. I understand that, but I'm hoping, deep down in my heart, that you still think about me every once in awhile, and that you might be willing to give me an explanation why. I have nothing against being adopted. In fact, I am going to school for social work so that I may help others with the adoption process. I think it is special that one person who feels their child deserves a better life than the life they could provide can pass on that gift of parenthood to a couple that may not have had the chance otherwise. However, a part of me still wonders why you had given up for adoption, and if you ever regret your decision. I know that may be a little selfish for me to ask, but those questions burn a way into my mind every once in awhile. I look forward to a response but know that you are not obligated to do so. I only want a response from you if that is what you want as well._

_Sincerely,_

_Hannah Jacobs_

_Dear Hannah:_

_I'm sorry that it took me so long to respond. I know a couple months have passed, but I needed a little bit of time to think. My heart broke the last time I had the possibility of meeting you, and you had turned it down. Since then, I have distanced myself from the thought of meeting you. Don't get me wrong—I had wanted to meet you, but I wasn't sure if I could risk the rejection again. Don't feel bad, though. I do understand how traumatic an illness combined with a hospital stay can be overwhelming. I was so happy to receive your letter. I cannot even express how I felt in words. It filled my heart with joy just to know that you are okay and that the bone marrow transplant helped to save your life. _

_Here's my explanation, to the best of my abilities. I feel that you are an adult now and deserve the honest truth, so will not leave anything out. I did know your father. He was my fiancé at the time, and he attacked me. That night was the last night I ever saw him. I didn't even press charges, even though now I regret that. At the time of the pregnancy, I was single and working as a model in order to save up money for medical school. I didn't have adequate financial or emotional stability at the time to properly raise two children._

_Yes, you heard my correctly, two children. I am not sure what your parents have told you, but you had a twin…a little baby boy. Unfortunately, he went into respiratory distress shortly after birth and didn't make it. I am so sorry. That might be quite a shock for you but please know that your brother did not live in vain. Yes, his life was short, but he played a crucial role in my healing process from the attack. Whenever life gets a little rough, I think of that little baby boy, and my heart smiles in remembrance. Yes, I think about you as well. The decision to give you up for adoption was not an easy one for me. A child, any child, is a gift from God. I went back and forth deciding whether it was okay or not to give up one's own children. One night, however, I was sitting at my dining room table, flipping through potential couples for the adoption, and I came across your parents. It just seemed right. I am not saying that my heart did not ache inside to sign off my parental rights. It nearly killed me…I had almost changed my mind in court, but I just ultimately knew that your life would be better off with the family you got placed in. _

_I would love to hear more about you if you feel up to it. I would love to at least her what you have to say about my explanation, but that is your choice…whether or not to respond. It was very nice to hear from you, though._

_Sincerely,_

_Isobel Stevens, MD_


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Isobel:_

_I am so glad that you had decided to respond to my original letter. I was afraid that you had signed me off. Your explanation touched my heart. I am sorry to hear that you were attacked, especially that you were attacked by someone you knew and loved at the time. I understand that must have been traumatic enough, but then to find out you were pregnant from the ordeal…I couldn't imagine. I am glad, however, that you decided to see the pregnancy through. You gave me a chance at life, even if it wasn't a life with you. For so long now, I had imagined the worst possible stories behind what happened and why you had given me up. I suppose it was probably because it was easier to think of bad reasons of why you gave me up than good ones.. My heart would have wept for you to think of stories about how much you really wanted me all along…just knowing that you wouldn't be able to contact me until I was old enough. I hope that doesn't sound too selfish. I do not mean it that way. This is just my insight on what was going on in my subconscious mind. Deep down, I know that I had always hoped you were still thinking of me every once in awhile. Deep down, I had always wanted to just "know"…know you, know my story. I have always braced myself for the worst possible situation, but I am glad to know that you at least cared. I could have been forgotten. I could have searched you out, and you could have turned me away. You could have spent years scorning the thought of me or totally banishing me from your mind, never wanting to see or talk to me. The fact that you were willing to write back to me speaks volumes. Thank you._

_Sincerely,_

_Hannah_

_Dear Hannah:_

_I will fully admit that I never really openly discussed you with anyone. My closest friends, the ones I went through internship and residency with, didn't even know you existed. My best friend at the time of your hospitalization, George, and resident above me, Dr. Bailey, were the only two people who knew. That is not to say that I did not personally think about you, and it was not that I was ashamed either…not of you anyways. Sometimes I was ashamed of myself. I thought about you a lot, actually. I still remember and honor your birthday each and every year. I first go to the cemetery to place flowers on the grave of your baby brother. Then, I go down to the waterfront and place petals into the water to symbolize me setting you free and sending you good fortune and luck. Do I regret my decision to give you up for adoption ever? Yes, sometimes, but like I said in my previous letter, I just ultimately knew you would have a better life with your parents. Medical school was hard. Internship and residency was even harder. I would have never been around. You would have spent a lot of time in daycare or with a nanny. That would have been no life for you. I was young, inexperienced, and had barely enough money to take care of myself. I just wanted to stress the fact that you were never actually forgotten. I always wished you the best in life including all of the stuff I could not have given you. To prove to you that I always had your best interests in mind, there is a college fund waiting for you at my local bank. My fiancé passed away and left me with a great sum of money. The majority of it I took and put into funding the memorial clinic here at the hospital, but a small portion of it got put into this college fund in case you ever decided to seek me out. However, before I would even consider giving you any money, I would want to know more about you…to know that the money is going into good hands. _

_Please write back. I would always love to hear from you._

_Sincerely,_

_Isobel Stevens, MD_


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Isobel:_

_I don't suppose there is much to say about me. I've lived in Seattle my entire life. My parents actually own a house boat now. They are very proud of it; house boats are hard to come by in Seattle. I am an only child. My parents could not have children of their own; that is why they sought to receive a child through adoption. You cannot begin to imagine the gratitude that they feel towards you. Not only did you give them a chance to be the wonderful parents that they are, but you gave me a second chance at life when you donated that bone marrow. I may not have made it without you. Thank you just doesn't even begin to describe it, but anyways, you wanted to know more about me._

_I have already told you that I am going to school for social work. I am about to go into my fourth year. I'm excited! I volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. I think it is a wonderful organization…and a little misunderstood. A lot of people think that Habitat merely gives these homes away, but the recipient actually has to volunteer so many hours to earn the house, and they do have to pay for the house. They just pay a lot less because they only have to pay cost. It's still really cool, though, when you get to watch the ceremony where the homeowner gets the keys for the first time. The smiles and gratitude on their faces…it would warm the coldest of hearts. My other interests include reading, writing, and music of all sorts. Hmm…what else is there to tell you? I am currently seeing someone from one of my social work classes. He's really nice. He volunteers with special needs children, and that takes a special kind of person. As for the money, I appreciate the offer, but I am going to school on a full-term scholarship for academic achievement. The money would be much better off invested back into your clinic. I know of that clinic. I know of people who have greatly benefited from that clinic. If you insist of giving the money to me, then I will just donate it back. I do not need the money, but there are plenty of people out there that do. It's not that I don't appreciate the offer. It's very flattering that you have taken the time to think of me like that. It actually kind of blew me away that you would have done that, but I've always been more of the giving than receiving type. _

_I would greatly love to know more about you, if you wouldn't mind. You have to understand that even though I absolutely love my parents, there has always been a little piece of myself missing. There is a bond formed by biology that cannot be duplicated, and I've always been fascinated by that. I've always wondered what we might have in common, what similarities we might have. _

_I hope to hear from you soon!_

_Sincerely,_

_Hannah_

_Dear Hannah:_

_First off, please call me Izzie. Rarely anybody calls me Isobel. I have always kind of despised that name. I don't really know why. I guess I was thought Isobel sounded too formal, and I am not that way at all. I love just hanging out with my friends and taking care of others. I wanted a name that reflected that. _

_Now that we are past that, I am sure we have many similarities. I have always been a big fan of the nature/nurture debate, and I believe that both nature and nurture have equal influences on the life we lead. I, too, love helping people. I went into surgery so that I may save lives. It wasn't that I wanted to be a hero. That isn't it at all. Here's a little story that might explain it better. When Denny, my fiancé, passed away, he left me with a large sum of money that I didn't know what to do with. Then, one day, there was this girl who could barely even walk because her spine was so out of whack. There was a surgery that was possible, but the insurance company wouldn't cover it. I just knew I could make this girl's life better by donating the money for the surgery. You couldn't even begin to imagine the joy in my heart when I saw her walking down the hall after her surgery with a smile on her face. That smile that people get when they have been given hope—that's why I went into surgery. I specialize in OB-GYN. Although I will never admit it, my mentor, Dr. Addison Montgomery, was right. I do have a knack for it. She put me to the test, and it made me a better surgeon. I am ever so thankful for that. _

_I, too, am currently seeing someone. His name is Alex, and I work with him here at the hospital. We had actually gone out a few times before Denny and it took us years to regain that relationship back. We've been dating for three years now. I can hardly believe it. People underestimate him. He may appear cocky and arrogant, but he, too, has heart of gold. One of my favorite pastimes is baking. I bake when I get upset, and it helps me relieve the frustration. I do, however, love music as well. One of my secret passions is going to see the orchestra play. I also believe that a good book can warm the soul. I think it is wonderful that you volunteer for Habitat. That is always something I had wanted to try, but my life got so busy so fast. As for the money, I think it is very noble that you want to donate it to the clinic. If that is your wishes, then I will do such. However, I am going to think of something very special to commemorate the donation. You deserve recognition for such a selfless act. _

_Well, that's all I can think about right now. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask._

_Sincerely,_

_Izzie_


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Izzie:_

_I am sorry I haven't written you in awhile. Yes, it's been a couple of months, but it's been a traumatic couple of months on my end. It's funny how your world can come crashing down in an instant…a direct blow to your heart. I mean, I was so elated with that fact that we were communicating and off to such a great start…I can of neglected myself. I started getting some really intense bone, but I suppose I ignored it for too long. I suffered a fractured humerous about three months ago, and the doctors decided to run a few tests. My bone density level was low, so they ran a few more tests. Unfortunately, it wasn't good news. I have full-out bone cancer. Because I had waited for so long, ignoring the little symptoms there were, it is already in the later stages. They said that the progression can be sort of unpredictable…you know that…but I probably only have a couple more months left. Please do not feel sorry for me, though. I was given a second chance ten years ago, and I have lived my life to the fullest. I have dedicated my heart to serving others and in return, have found inner happiness. Few people my age can say that. Jeremy and I, well, we got married last month. He knew it would only be short-termed, but he said he wanted to spend the rest of my life with me. It kind of puts a different perspective on the whole "til death do we part" thing. I am sometimes afraid of what will happen to him when I "go home," but we talk every night. I think he has come to terms with it. I am had some time to reflect. When I look back on my life, I do not see regrets. I see fulfillment. Yes, I am sorry our relationship could not have blossomed more, but I am happy we got to share as much as we did. Communicating with you helped me achieve self-fulfillment and peace of mind. I now feel whole inside…the piece that has always been missing has been filled. I cannot express the joy that has filled my heart just to know you. I must go now. I do not have much strength at the moment, but please, know that I am happy even in passing. Please do not mourn for my illness but relish in my life._

_Sincerely,_

_Hannah_

_Dear Hannah:_

_I wanted to give you this message before it was too late. I am proud of you. There is not a single ounce of me that isn't proud of the young lady you have flourished into. I may not have known you for long, but I can tell that you have lived a life full of honor and integrity. When you see St. Peter at those pearly gates, there will be no need for judgment, you will be sent right in to live your eternity in paradise. There are still times when I regret my decision to give you up for adoption, but then I realize that being adopted became part of your identity. You would not be the same beautiful person you are today had I not made the decision that I did. Your parents did a marvelous job raising you and instilling in you a strong, moral foundation. I know, deep in my heart, that your baby brother will be there to bring you home, and that you will be happy. As for the rest of us left here, well, we'll manage to get along without you…always holding your memory deep in our hearts. I am so proud of you._

_Love always,  
Izzie_


	5. Epilogue

Everyone was dressed in black. A soft rain was falling to the ground. Izzie stood in the background, not wanting to cause a scene. She watched as part of her heart and soul was lowered into the ground. There was not a single dry eye in the bunch, and that wasn't because of the rain. Hannah had the effect on people. It wasn't every day that you met someone who could touch your heart so deeply and fully as Hannah could. She had made a lot of friends and kept her family close. The cemetery was packed. The parents placed single roses on top of the casket. _How Great Thou Art_ was being sung. As the song finished, Alex gently puts his hand on Izzie's shoulder, and they walk away. Only once did Izzie turn back. She knew Hannah was now in a better place, cradled in the embrace of her twin brother in paradise.


End file.
